Dhinchak dhinchak of a 20 something.

Famous are these words in every graduate's life - '' Beta inter aur competitive exams acche se pass kar lo, phir toh aish hee aish hey '' and then in that hope of getting rid of comparisons, making our parents proud and to enjoy that freedom we eventually slog our ass off and get into an XYZ college.

      Story starts here, the freedom that was shown as a carrot for the horse to keep running turns  out to be a prank and then suddenly forget enjoying we realize that we are suddenly too old to be in the company of kids (who at times call u uncle / aunty also) and then for the elders u r a spoilt KID who refuses to grow out of his mental diapers, now starts the TAMASHA of a man-boy / women-girl, where one eventually ends up being confused if he is actually a grown up or a cerelac baby .. :P

     Enter college and then the pressure - to look nice, CREATE a good impression, get noticed and famous and keeping it up at all times (in my case controversial),then eventually of having a girlfriend / boyfriend just to have your own cinematic yash raj type candy-floss filled love story with the feeling of eternal louve (all pun intended) which dies out in 4 yrs with the title BHAIYYA / BEHEN, cheating and writing internals and those begging for marks and the endless fights, till all this is going on the longing for the end gets intense and once all this holy crap is over, begins the REAL BAND BAAJA BARAAT .. :P

        If luckily / unluckily u land a job when in college, the endless wait for the D.O.J begins and as if that was not enuf ppl who are already working crib that it's hell while the ones who haven't got in are desperately waiting to get into the same public toilet called a software job and then come the functions, the shaadi's where every uncle and aunty scans u up and down like a lecherous dog and happily grins '' Next tera number hey '' (hw I wish we could tell them the same thing at funerals ) as if the only purpose of life is to get married and produce kids :P  and that too as if population of india is less :P  (and some idiots do this as well, seriously !!! why study if all that one wanted was marriage at 22 and kids like instand maggi at 23) and then we ourselves look at our friends if in relationships and get into a dreamland of kaash I also had a girlfriend / boyfriend while the ones in a relationship are busy farting away their happiness to glory fully aware of the fact that they are polishing their acting skills with lies.. :P and then the drama's at home where u r still a kid who has no idea what he is doing in life and then all of a sudden ur walking style is a problem, ur dressing sense is a problem and talking back = argument and suddenly u r a REBEL .. :P

        In the midst of all this there  will be a few who still remain sane thanx to their buffaloe like skin while the rest are fighting with themselves and the world around TO TELL -  '' I AM SOMETHING '' (mow don't ask what that something is ).. :P and after all this we still manage to roll out of the gutter ( mainly in btw 21-26yrs ) and yet we keep searching for what we really want to do, the ones who are in a job looking for something that beats the 9 to 5 routine and the ones jobless thinking what has to be done :P suddenly everything about I, ME , MYSELF becomes a problem and everything around looks un-unsually nice and perfect .. :P MAYA  I say .. :P (not bad .. :P the godman in me has awakened :P )

                 Now coming to the point why the hell did I write this piece of heavenly shit and why the hell did I waste ur time ... A) because this is the life story of almost every mortal on planet earth ... so relax, chill and don't waste ur time by comparing ur life with every tom, dick and harry because u never know .. :P kaun kitna kameena hey .. :P

2012: How i wish the world ended

Never understood the midnight madness that is usually associated with the NEW year's eve,  sleepy new years are the best ways for an early bird like me who is always waiting to crash-land into my bed, well time flies and our darling doomsday year is coming to an end. It wouldn't be wrong to tell that this year has been one hell of a journey.

       This year should should also be rightly called the year of emotional turmoil, sinusoidal depressions and un-answered questions and the blank stares into the wide sky with a question WHY ? Never have i felt so strong and yet so vulnerable, so sure and yet so insecure. This year can also be called the year of heartbreak's, heart-ache's, betrayals, controversies following like a shadow and i landing myself in one mess after another. 

 

          Firstly the win at the HINDU E-PLUS club challenge followed by the college vizag trip that involved a lot of drama, tears, fights, heated emotions and well a lot of problems coming to the forefront, nothing is more problematic than seeing your own side that is not in exact terms flattering, well we lost the finale but nevertheless it ended up teaching me a lot of things by exposing me to the demons inside.

         This was again followed up by a drama that involved trust, love, concern and genuineness, all of which in this world sadly come with an expiry date and then followed a series of un-answerable questions, never ending depressions making me look like a joker in a bunch of seriously humane world of affairs (all pun intended) and i am pretty sure i made a good chutney of my emotions all through the year producing had it been collected at one place a river of tears, because when u break into so many pieces, it's hard to gather yourself back and tell the world, screw you, but u survive only when u get up and show the world u have the balls to face what it takes to get where you want and what u want and that you are not scared of taking the tough decisions and proudly without any modesty i can tell i have evolved to be a little more comfortable in my own skin.

          Decisions well like i believe there are no good or bad decisions, all the hard decisions and the decisions that were accompanied by a sense of emptiness and blank stares into the sky now seem valid because at the end of day I am the ONLY person who is responsible for whatever, so no regrets and they have made me what i am today though not flattering but still am not that bad either, and 2012 has ended up teaching me lessons the hard way with all it's mighty highs and morbid low's. 

                 Lastly Dear 2012, thank you for completely breaking me into pieces which i still gather and tend to with care, hoping it heals someday, Dear 2013 - U shall have the privilege of being '' THE MOST VALUABLE YEAR '' of my life and yes again it will be a sleepy 31 december 2012 and wishing u all  a kind, benevolent, successful, happy year 2013  ahead . 

       

GOD in a never defined fish MARKET.

Never has a question puzzled the greatest minds like the question of god and the mockery that surrounds this institution. It's also surprising that it has actually turned into a concept with every one having their own say on it and going around prophecy'ing their own versions to the world.

      Firstly there are those who tell god can be seen even in the smallest of things, human beings to be more precise, when anybody is not perfect why stoop god also (if he exists) to one's level for i am sure no scripture tells please confess your faith in god, owing to one's own insecurities or to cover for the weak'ish and confident nature in which we cover up our faults begging for forgiveness.

      Second in this bunch of craziness are the ones who believe god is supreme, ohh really !! then why is there such grave injustice in the world, telling everything happens for a reason is like killing somebody and telling them i was just releasing u off the pain and sending u to higher planes.The irony is we value anything that is a not a virtue more than god himself and then continue our existence in the make-belief world of a HIGHER POWER while we are just plain BLIND to the immediate surroundings around us unable to respond even to the LOWEST powers that should govern us.

     Thirdly are those who are so freakish about god and godliness that i am sure (if he exists) he also runs scared looking at the shallowness with which they go about their own daily lives ACTING HIGHLY MORALISTIC and PIOUS (pun intended) thinking god (if he exists) is a blind nomad. Running their own versions of god, godliness has become a venture slowly transforming from expressing the IN-EXPRESSIBLE to DRAMATIZING the IN-EXPRESSIBLE for the consumption of the public psyche.

     It also won't be a shocker to tell that god should now be made an active share holder in the various activities that go-on on his name, like a famous joke- beards and orange clothes are the sensation in india because inherently man loves knowing what is never KNOWN by ANYBODY.

   Lastly there are those who want everyone to believe that god is something that is to be felt, how sad science never gave a concept called god his due credit (all pun intended) for he must have been a part of one of the senses that a man could sense and then there are those who provide FACTS (self made) explaining everything on the basis of science and to their own convenience which again falls short of  human values in a cover up bid to dis-lodge the doubts that languish in a person's head by closing his eyes and then there are those for whom god is like an un-defined relation that still lingers in their lives thanx to their immediate surroundings. 

    Pitying these concepts/ belief's/dis-belief's is like arguing like an idiot thinking the population that LOVES god will actually listen. 

      Sarcatically like i always believe this world is a circus with it's own set of clowns around, so be a clown and have fun or just see the tamasha around and have fun because anyways nobody get's out alive and KARMA well it can go on a holiday because attributing one's life to karma is like attributing a gun in one's own head designed to shoot oneself. 

    

Human-machinery, activated.

I have often read in philosophical literature '' People walk away Memories don't '' , wow eureka maybe it's true, because ppl change,situations change,the type of bond changes and yes  fakeness and impracticality and lack of communication as issues crop up out of nowhere in this world of doubt, sweet lies and salty truth.In this world of practicality where we are all running in a race called life aspiring to be usain bolt's, how much are we really feeling and enjoying what we do.

    We get up in the morning, run run and run around all day in this crazy action-filled world with not an iota of emotion associated with it, we smile like our happy dent's are a show off, we love and become friends with an expiry date and if not we live with memories of ppl who no longer care for us or have given us illusions earlier. It has always been said that always give, i wonder when u can give, what is wrong in expecting the other person also to give equally, selfishness and self-sufficiency are just separated by a thin line and why not after all eveyone likes to be loved, cared for and accepted.

      In this race we forget that '' I '' also existed all along, just that we have started associating our lives so much to ppl who don't care and i really wonder if being genuine is a crime and a licence to get hurt or are we being genuine to the world around us in the wake of getting what we want and we fail to achieve it or is it just that we have stopped loving ourselves and being genuine to ourselves because all that one wants is happiness and sadly there is none in this world of running and hard-core human machinery. The innate feeling/phobia called ATTENTION disorder troubles the whole world,  whoever BIG or SMALL messes relations further.

Not writing this out of feeling lonely/sad/hurt/blahh blahh for which i dnt have time, just that it's time we started enjoying being with ourselves and loving ourselves more than anybody else because there is nothing permanent in this world other than ourselves so even if it hurts it's better to forgive, forget the bad, love whatever we do-however big or small because we live once and no one likes being a torture on themselves and lastly u are born alone and die alone so it's a good idea to make the story in between worthwhile . :) :)

Duck Syndrome

William Shakespeare once wrote 'All the world's a stage and all men and women mere actors' what better a timing to understand this quote more than now , it's surprising how we study without knowing what we want to do actually, love as if the other person is going to stay with us always and hate as if someone has snatched our life away and even more ironic is d fact that no matter how hard we tell ourselves that this has to be changed , IT NEVER DOES , as if the entertainment of one's life was not enough we have the parasitic society where often confidence is taken as arrogance , honesty as un-emotional and least of all an ambitious one as a greedy looser,  a man who is good looking a flirt , a women who has too many friends a bitch and on and on and on .

          Why do i write this today , not because i want to engage in self -pity or mock the society but to take a chance and laugh at all the fun life has to offer amid the games , fun , joy , tears and all the drama, what is more surprising is the fact that what gives one happiness does not necessarily give happiness to others when indulged or we r grateful to all those comforts that we have got in life but are really looking somewhere else and it is always very truly said whatever we desire and get makes us un-happy or even the desire not happening also leaves us un-happy ( a personal experience being my engineering, hahahah :P :P )  yet we live as if there is so much to achieve when there is really nothing in our hand other than our very own efforts. 

           Taking my own example , if somebody were to interview 100 people about me , there would be 100 contradicting opinions , so does that mean i have a multi-split personality NO ,  just that it is the situation that shapes our behaviour and most of the times not our innate godliness , yet we want to take credit for all the good , feel guilty for all the bad , hurt for loving someone , and least of all being scared of what parents , society and in general the social strata has to tell about us because it is the society that defines us and not vice-versa.
              What is even more surprising is the fact that most of our emotions get over faster than the time in an exam hall and yet we properly act our part good , bad or ugly and still LIVE . I think it is not wrong also to tell that 'the whole world is going through the duck syndrome where everyone looks happy yet inside we are all burning in our ways with our own struggles '.
  
Last of all it is also surprising how when there are millions dying of hunger , poverty , thirst , vandalism , terrorism and mockery we still choose to focus on I , ME , MYSELF , MY RELIGION , MY COMMUNITY , MY CASTE  and feeling as if  we bear the whole world on our delicate shoulders. 

          I think it's time to follow some pointers like the one by pitaji (Father of H.H Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ) ' the whole wold is full of mistakes and people , so we need to love the people and forgive the mistakes for our own sanity' and last of all be grateful for all the love , joy , hatred , mockery we have faced because that has made us what we are today , reach out to all those in need and be happy because there is nothing that is going to last in this world anyways not even the great ME  :P :P so it's time we did 'what we loved , desired and wanted because WE LIVE ONLY ONCE and it's better lived without REGRET even if what we want to do is not something conventional, becuase even if u end up a failure u can always make a good story out of it.

                       ''LOVE WHAT U DO and DO WHAT U LOVE ''
                                                 

life in times of a maverick ..!!!

Strange are the ways of d world and even more strange are the ways of nature and people . Time flies so fast that what we consider a priority today might just end up being nothing . Didn't even realize how fast this year just went by. I still remember the lovely time i had last year at d winter break (dancing , singing , blissful silence and meditating) and the sudden zeal to start a blog and eventually lost interest , but i guess it's time to re-connect with renewed enthusiasm and as for the passing year , what a learning i had , escaped death by a wink , just opened my eyes on how the world functions and also surprised at the way i dealt with it and it ended up having such an impact now there are no trivial issues to crib and cry because after all nothing is more important than life and a smile on my face . Secondly anything that comes easy never ends up having an impact on you . it's indeed truly said men/women are defined by the tough times , and only when we fall down and people leave us are we at our best . I feel although the tremendous up's and the down-hill low's have just made me stronger and made me realize nothing lasts forever. Lastly i feel really grateful that i have so much of drama in life that is enough to teach me valuable lessons in life . Thank u all for Ur genuine love and support and yo baby let's welcome the new year . jai gurudev.

january with love ..!!!

The amazinggg run to the NEW YEAR continues ..!!! very truly said by someone , u can be in d best of situations in d world and yet feel miserable or even the worst of situations and still be HAPPY . a little shift in attitude , that is all it takes . so BE HAPPY .!!
     Secondly life has it's own means of giving ppl what theyy want . Met " THE MOST AMAZINGGG " ppl during this time . very truly said u don't need to talk 24*7 to realize if u r frnds or not . CONNECTIONS were happening like never before , MEMORIES that can reduce me to tears even today . every man/women is an emotional sucker , and to make the demand for tissue papers skyrocket , there were those awwww soo sweet , thanq , moments as well (i know it's hard to imagine me that way , but nobody can stop change). The BLESSING course was itself a BIG BLESSING in life that i really needed . Lots of activity to keep me busy , welcoming some old frnds into my life again , everything was soo loveyy doveyyy and so nice even though i was at times in d MOST DIFFICULT situations, MATURITY in RESTLESS bones i say ..!!! hahahahah
                    So from a RUDE , ARROGANT , LOST boy to a considerably more POLITE , HUMBLE and LOST AND FOUND property , the transformation has been HUGE .. january had it all ... so GRATEFUL for all who were a part and HELPED me grow ...!!!! THANQ ...!!!! :) :) :)